BEING IN THEIR SILHOUETTE..

The note is an extension to http://maktubpomilproch.blogspot.in/2014/05/true-identity.html#.VEi6_GeSwwY . This blog titled "TRUE IDENTITY" had well derived words that stated, "But then he got her pregnant. And it all went downhill from there. He refused to lend his surname to the child. He denied being the father of the child and would take no further interest in the child. He even offered to sponsor the money and facility for abortion."

The developing societies which boast of ethics on its humane, fight against women abuse and all the societal existence that follows is just a photo-shopped faux. The more it claims, the more downright unclaimed the reality is. People who stand against the odds are let down with cheapest indulgence of being wrong. 

On many of her kinds and experience,

She was a woman of substance who believed in a true emotional commitment to him in every thick and thin. She stood by his side where others could have easily walked away for own good life. It was a long distance relationship of three years and she had to trust the phone vibes. She had been with the man from when he talked about "walking on roads having no fare in the pocket" to a capability where he boasted about travelling in a flight on social sites. She had seen the man wearing gifted torn kurtas to buying "Van Huesen" in bulk of no big delight. She starved so he can eat with that money. She saved so that he can pay his house rent with the amount. It was pure indulgence of love where she wanted to be a selflessly undeclared support. She met him for the first time after one and a half years of relation of endless calls and words that meant true emotions.

As selfishness of the world can strike any way and any how, she started realising that the money she sent was used in buying dope, flirting with other females on mobile recharges and extra added things of his unmanly life. As time passed, she discovered his extra marital romance with the married girlfriend of his past. She was promised a change that never came. Then again there were one night stands, sheer ignorance, over flirtatiousness with random females and a undignified level of shameless stand when confronted for the obvious truth. All the confrontation just meant abuses, threats to dump and maltreatment. She was caught in an entwinement where she couldn't stand it or move away in silence. Being hit on a fresh wound, she again discovered his visits to sex workers. She discovered that he is still involved with the married girlfriend out of public declaration. She ultimately walked away in silence this time. It was discovery upon discovery and no enlightenment in any of them.

Two months she struggled with no calls or texts from the guy and finally breathed freedom thinking that the evil has marked way through his line. As she moved on and started to focus on much better things in life, one day this guy knocked to surprise. He was right there smiling as nothing has happened and he is the God for whom she longed with cupid struck in her mind. When a true human takes a stand, it is a stand on his principles and self respect that he has wrongly compromised. She loved him but denied coming back to him in a circumstantial limelight. He was hurt on his manhood and ego, abused her and ran back to his hood towards the stand-by. She moved on with another guy who treated her well enough as a woman, as respected and loved without second ifs and whys. She couldn't move out of him how much so ever she tried. She eventually and mutually broke up with that man on good insight in a month of her "mind and heart" struggle.

As time passed, she felt guilty about the cold-hardheartedness she had shown to him when he had come for her to save her back into his life. She apologised and started the relation on a good note shifting to the city where he lived for their physical proximity. They both got along again after three months of distance and silence. She being transparent declared about her relation with the other man just before she tried persuading him to involve once more. It was her eternal happiness being close to him. He hit the wrong stands again by questioning her integrity as a woman and doubting everything she could have done in those three months dumping him with no regrets in life. The whole new drama of existence begun for her where she had to signify her commitment and love to him almost everyday. She held herself strong externally but inside she kept on sulking and falling apart being questioned with every man in her life. It was not even possessiveness, it was far distrust on his insecurity that killed her soul on his masculine pride. She felt controlled and smothered, but kept on fighting on the hopes that one day he will turn a man from the beastly melodramatic abusive side. At times, the abuse used to reach the peak where all she thought about was suicide and end to her own life. The entanglements grew firmer and intolerable. One fine day, he got a well deserved job that payed him well that would clear his debts and loans that made most of his mind.

He left her back, shifting to the new city with another promise that he will make a life with her as he is a secured man now. She trusted him and let him go. They met each other for the last time on their fifth anniversary, when she traveled to him unable to bear the distanced him for more than long awhile. The twist happened when he changed in no time driven by the egoism of earning well enough that he doesn't need females in his life anymore. All he gave were excuses on his busy schedule and no time, being all flirting and visible on social sites whole days and whole nights. She was shattered and couldn't approve of what just fell apart. She had constructed the relation for years along and it was going nowhere because the man doesn't need her anymore. She gave a fluke verbal assault of being cheated by him (obviously she was hurt). He added her verbal assault to the excuse that now it is impossible for him to bear a female like her who doesn't have control over her anger and words. She was blocked by him on every site after four days of their anniversary. His friends were asked not to entertain her and it all meant she was ruthlessly discarded. Meanwhile, she still struggled to talk to him atleast once, try to figure things out and get it back all together again. Needless to mention that it was all in vain by his ignorance. They say, worst things happen when you least expect them, she realised she was impregnated. She fell the world tear apart, panicked and tried every possible way to reach him being scared. He didn't respond at all for reasons well known just to him. She started having bad struggles everyday at home with her mother who was doubting her bloated tummy. She started doing overtime and sitting at abandoned places for hours to cry, just so that she reaches home late to avoid all the hurt and factual reality of her destructed life. She thought of fighting for the last time and if it didn't work, she would clearly end her life. She made her friend call him and convince him to understand the plea. That guy asked for a proof and a report from the hospital before he would send in the cash required to terminate the six and a half months old fetus growing inside her. 

Medical ethics have reached a level where the medics would even kill the unborn for money by procedures declared illegal by all the health laws in the world. She visited the gynaecologist who convinced her that it would relatively need 25k for the procedure and she will make sure that no complications further unite to the mess she was already in. Her friend called him up and informed on the same. He asked her to bear half the some of amount cause she was equally involved in the love making process according to him. Disguised, she slammed him off and seeked the whole amount being in no position to arrange the moolah in short span of time.

At night, when she was trying to convince herself about letting her first baby go as the man who was responsible will never hold her hand in the upbringing. Six months had passed and her tummy was evidently visible as termed "pregnant". As all the inhumane behaviour struck that was making her want to cry loud, she received a call from him to "not terminate the kid and he will keep it as a father". He denied accepting her as his wife though on the logic that only he could understand. She doubted the decision and requested him to let her come out of this problem as everything was turning so difficult. He agreed for the termination and gave a word of sending the 20k through his best friend as he is too busy to spare time himself. She expected him along atleast now but it all failed till the her friend again convinced him to come for the formal hospital signatures as it was his responsibility. He met her the next day, after long arguement, he declared that he would send her to his home and his mother would take care till the delivery. She had to elope from her home on this purpose and felt happy deep down cause it all meant that her kid would survive. He took her along and ditched her on the third day by forcing her to remove the baby again as he wasn't ready to compromise his freedom for the unwanted child. This time she didn't fight back but was left devastated. She asked him to calm down as she would find a way out for herself through this.

She was coming stronger and independent as she was feeling the sense of motherhood and wanted the kid to take birth, as that was her soul purpose when she left her home and everything back. She tried reaching the NGOs and institutions which would aid her to bear her own child. She was ready to give it for adoption having seen married couples struggle for a kid in their lives. But her fate had something else in store. Her friend, from one of the NGOs she had contacted for help, reached her parents defining the pathetic condition she was going through and gave them her contact details. That was the fifth day and she had got up in the morning and being an atheist in her beliefs, exclaimed holding her stomach, "beta aapko mumma kuchh nahi hone denge..jinko forsake kar diya jaata hai, jinka koi nahi hota, unka bhagwaan hota hai". That friend of her was in constant touch and kept on requesting her to call her parents cause they were really troubled and more than worried. She knew that if she gets back, it would just mean that she would have to sacrifice her unborn buoy. She knew it was a bouy inside. By night as she was still awaiting a confirmation from the people she had talked in the morning, she received a call from her mother.  She needed that call as she had missed her mother all this while. Just that "hello beta, mein mummy bol rahi hu..mera bacha kaisa hai tu?" just took the earth off her feet and she couldn't hold back her tears. Mother convinced her to come back home and everything would be taken care of as mistakes are part of life. She asked the guy on her last hopes, "Can you please marry me?" and the guy arrogantly and irritatingly denied. 

She left for her home the next morning, all feeling bad about being such an incapable mother. She was confirmed that the survival of her own child was impossible now for the societal norms, the very fact that the acclaimed gentleman wouldn't bear the responsibility of being a father and marry her. She was taken to the same doctor she had referred before. Having complications, she had to undergo blood transfusion being admitted in the hospital for three days. Fourth day, medically induced labor took its toll where pills were introduced in her vaginal cavity for uterine contractions that would push the fetus out. She realised that it would be a artificially induced normal delivery that would give shivers through her bones so to throw off the unwanted unborn. As the pain grew intolerable, she begged for a cesarean section and was denied with a fact that it would leave scars for lifetime which are unjustified as she was an unmarried mother. She delivered that small soul after 14 hours of pain at midnight and was left completely speechless. She saw him and got elated at a glance cause the baby boy was so beautiful and foremost it was her own. She felt heavy suddenly realising that it is no more and wouldn't even breathe. As the helpers in the labor room covered the small body in her scarf to be buried or thrown somewhere the next day, she couldn't stop admiring his tiny feet which were visible till the last moment. 

The guy was very much aware that the procedure was going on and as expected, didn't even bother to come or call. His social networking stats made him visible as happily flirting with some random over available chic, being unconcerned and unaffected. She felt everything a mother would and there were medicines prescribed to stop the lactation that made her chest hurt with an unmovable burden. As time passed by, she tried to convince him to behave humane and accept her because she saw her folks completely heartbroken bearing this instance. They were worried about the future of their daughter. He was giving meaningless excuses and disguist by his ignorant, unemphatic, unapologetic and threatening behaviour that also offered her friendship as a set-up. Unbelievably taking a stand this time to make him feel how she has felt all this while, she got into a social spree spreading a word of his long covered cheapness amongst his own people and informed his family too. She was on a righteous run this time and meant to stand against women abuse even if meant loosing her TRUE IDENTITY. The guy in his own defence claimed the girl to be lying and trying to demean him on revenge as she was dumped by him on her low existence because she cheated him with some other guy (referring to the guy she dated for a month mentioned above). He lied to all levels to conceal his true side by throwing manipulations that only he could mock himself with. 

This is where the whole different level of heinous attitude came and this time it was from his family. His younger sister managed to call her up, keeping the phone on speaker so that his mother could hear the conversation sitting in the background. They questioned about her character deep down, the origin of the kid, who being his real father or in good words whom else she slept around to bear the kid to throw the blame on their son, even saying things that she is blowing the incident out of proportion and if the son abandoned her then they are sure that the fault is in her. They fell to the lowest levels to prove their suputra a saint from the saintland who is a greek god in all terms. She was shocked to hear it all and it was at a level where people cant fall low any more. His friends were supporting him in the cause with words that it might have been her plan to get him back. She was just fiction lusted on the counter allegations that were coming to her after all that she had been through. Well addressed that how easy is it to have opinions and proportionally difficult to walk even in their silhouette.

All this way and to add on the show, some girl whom he had double dated along, abruptly came in focus clearly narrating his involvement for physical requirements. He faked his name, lured her into intimacy required in the relation by falsely making her the first girlfriend and woman of his life. She discovered his lies after eight months and was dumped on the face without any explanation. She being an immature and freak, went around with his best friend's idea of being in a fling. She was then circulated amongst his social circle of undivided friends as a sex object. She made a stand after being exploited and dumped umpteen number of times by these guys.

As she narrated all this to her, all she could feel was the need to unskin herself on the very thoughts that he had exploited her and many others the same way. To run around with another laughable scenario of being cheated as she applauded and defined, she discovered desperate texts of love and links of poems he had written for some female in his office dating back to the time he had not even broken up with her. Covering the uncovered and uncovering the covered as life itself passes by, she had to add humour to her own life and being fooled for so long as the only partner of the man in disguise.

She thought of moving forward in life with a positive approach and is aware of the fact that no Indian guy or society would accept her with the past she has. She has accepted that life isn't fair all the time and people who live to learn get tested the most. She survived the most incomparable ordeal of any human form. She is still trying to convince the guy to accept her as she has fought a battle alone and deserves commitment. The guy is still denying her declaring that he has moved-on in his life with statements like, "My only mistake was that I slept with an incapable woman who couldn't manage herself, her pregnancy and involved me in the problem of her life".

(This is to the women supporters and fighters of women rights in us, this to you Pomil Bachan Proch)